God has given each one of us a unique temperament and personality; these God given temperaments and personalities each have tremendous gifts and abilities. Each is unique and designed and planned by God expressly for the purpose here on earth as a member of the family of God. Some of us are introverted calm and quiet while others are oppositely extroverted enthusiastic talkers. This extreme variance of temperaments can often be seen between siblings, parents and children and even twins. As you have gone about your life, working with your siblings, parents, or even your own children you have probably noticed these differences can sometimes cause conflict. While taking two different approaches to the same task or an activity, one may ask “why should I do it his or her way, when my way is just as legitimate and possibly even better.” These two approaches based on different thought processes have just conflicted, neither person’s method is necessarily wrong. These conflicts, though small at first can be detrimental to a healthy relationship.

This is where deference comes into play. Deference, what is it? Deference is yielding to the opinions, wishes or judgment of another person. Deference means controlling my privileges and preferences in order not to offend those God has called me to serve. Deference is a very deliberate act, and comes from the heart. I think my mom was secretly trying to teach me and one of my sisters deference when I was about 12 or 13 years old. My mom assigned one of my sisters and I a job to do together for a whole year. We had to do dishes together. This normally would not have been a big deal except I am a perfectionist, and my sister isn’t so much, she’s more like, let’s get this job done as fast as we can. In case you’re wondering speed and perfection don’t really mix to well. You can imagine some of those few long weeks as we disputed over what methods for washing dishes was best. Deference from the beginning sure would have helped but it was eventually learned.

By not showing deference you are in fact disrespecting another individual. Deference can be shown in many ways, but it will always put others before yourself. This goes against our human nature and unless we are Spirit filled we will struggle to show deference. Paul instructed the Corinthians to show deference to other believers who could not eat meat that had previously been offered to idols. (1 Cor 8 )  This meat may have been cheaper, or more convenient to buy. And while Paul made it clear technically there may not have been anything wrong with eating this meat. He warned in 1 Cor 8:9 “But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to them that are weak.” And then in verse 12 adds “But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.” This verse here emphasizes how vital it really is to show deference, especially when it comes to not offending the conscience of another believer even calling it sin to not show deference to our brothers and sisters. Deference shows our willingness to live out Romans 12:18 “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”

It is humbling ourselves to the will of God and esteeming others higher than ourselves and laying down our lives to demonstrate the New Life that dwells within us.

Here at the Headquarters, we are always encouraged when a new family calls to share what they are learning during their first year in ATI. The challenges our families face and the subsequent victories they experience give us one more reason to do what we do.  One particular first-year family has decided to create a blog for sharing their experiences. Check out their latest adventures at http://atifamily.com. As you read their blog, you’ll find some creative suggestions for teaching younger children the Wisdom Booklets and you’ll be encouraged by the freshness of their perspective. We hope you enjoy their blog – don’t forget to encourage them along the way – you can read and post comments on most of their posts. Keep up the good work!

–The ATI Office

Standing in a church lobby, I overheard two fathers talking:

Dad #1: Where is your son going to college?

Dad #2: Well, I went to UCLA but his mom graduated from USC. He hasn’t made up his mind yet which one he wants to attend.

And I thought, Is that all there is to it? Here are intelligent, godly men who simply assume that when Jim or Susie finishes finish high school, the next stop will be a four-year stay at the nearest university. No further questions asked!

Even in an association like ATI, where parents specialize in hands-on involvement with the training of their sons and daughters, you can still find families whose education planning consists solely in selecting the university where their son or daughter will spend the next four years.

God may lead some families to send their young people to university, but it is unwise to make such a decision without asking a lot of questions, asking the right questions.

Avoid the danger of tunnel vision.

When you look through a tunnel, you can see only a small circle of light. There is a broad landscape that’s just out of view because you are peering through the tunnel. Many families make poor choices about the post-high school years because they have limited themselves to looking through the tunnel of career and college. They look for a career when they could be searching for a calling. And they try to find a college when they might be considering a whole array of possible pathways.

1. Career vs. calling

God has a purpose for your life, and it includes far more than just your career. He has called us to glorify Him in every area of our lives: growing in Christ-like character, leaving the legacy of a godly family, making an impact for Christ’s kingdom. Your job is merely one aspect of God’s calling for you. Therefore, the “college” years are a time to grow in all areas. Luke 2:52 tells us that “Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man” – not just in career skills!

2. College vs. multiple options.

Good stewardship requires that we explore all the creative alternatives available for gaining the training and experience that we will need to prepare for God’s calling. For some, a college degree is the best choice. For others, a combination of other training and learning experiences may be wiser. The wise parent checks all the options.

Four questions to ask before you head for college

For several years, I have used the following questions to help people get a broader view from God’s perspective when they make decisions about training after high school.

1. What is God calling me to do?

Scripture makes it clear that God calls every Christian to be holy, to make disciples (Matthew 28:19), to do good works. But He also calls each of us to glorify Him in specific ways. One person may become a pastor; another may care for orphans; still another may fix cars. One may proclaim Christ through music; another may share the gospel in quiet conversations. You may not know precisely what God has planned for you, but good planning begins when you ask, “How much do I understand about what God is calling me to do?”

2. Where am I now?

Once you know where you’re headed, take inventory and figure out where you are now. The Telos Institute International has published a Life Portfolio Workbook called Experience is a Great Teacher,. which takes you step by step through the process of recording what you have already learned from your life experiences. It’s encouraging to realize how much you’ve already learned!

3. What preparation do I need?

Look at God’s calling – where you want to end up – and your current life experience – where you are now. Then ask, “Where are the gaps between where I am and where I need to be?” Your answer might involve skills or knowledge or character. In any case, the list becomes your agenda for the next years of training.

4. Do I need a college degree? If so, what kind?

Only now are you ready to start making decisions about college. As you answer this question, remember that people go to college for two reasons – to learn something and to get a piece of paper. Consider those two aspects one at a time. First, do you need a professional credential to enter the field for which God has burdened you? To be a surgeon or an elementary school teacher, you probably do need the piece of paper. If you want to run the family farm or start your own company, that diploma will not mean as much. Second, what do you need to learn? Suppose you want to be a pastor – what do you need to know? What character do you need to develop? What skills are important? Once you have clarity about this question, you are in a much better to position to decide whether college is necessary for you. Perhaps you would benefit more from a vocational school or on-the-job training. Or God might lead you to devote part of your youth to single-minded service. There’s no hurry to enter the job market.

5. What specific program(s) should I choose, and when should I take each step?

Notice the (s) in this question! God may lead you to a series of experiences, rather than a single college. It might involve a foundation year of study in Bible and life principles through the Telos Institute, followed by a year of service, teaching character in the schools of Oklahoma City or teaching English in Taiwan. Then you might choose to finish a college degree with the help of Verity Institute or the International Ministerial Institute. There are more options available than most people ever dreamed. Take the time to research the possibilities and ask the Lord for guidance and creativity as you help your sons and daughters launch into adult life.

This series of questions is just part of BLP 080, a 5-week course in Personal Education Strategy offered by The Telos Institute International. For more information about this course, you may contact the Telos office at 317-923-7301 or info@telos.edu.

This article was adapted from a presentation by Dr. John Bechtle to a breakout session at the 2010 ATI Regional Conference in Indianapolis.

I have expressed many times the challenge to fathers to lead their family in daily family devotions. I know this is a challenge and I also know that most men in the church are not doing this. There are many reasons men are intimidated when it comes to taking on the spiritual leadership of their homes, but I do not want to get into that at this time. What I want to do is to share with you, men, how I lead our family devotional time each evening in hopes that it will encourage you to lead your family as well.

When we began doing family devotions it was awkward and challenging. I was uncomfortable, not communicating well with the kids, and they were not enjoying sitting for long. I decided we would read through a book of the Bible. We would gather together after dinner was cleaned up and read a passage. I would ask questions, trying to be practical and help them understand how the passage related to their lives. It was challenging, but we were struggling through it together. We would follow that time with prayer, and then we would work on a passage we were memorizing together.

This process often took an hour, which we learned was way too much. I wanted this to be a priority, but I needed to be more realistic. I needed to find ways to allow the kids to be more engaged, have more fun, and shorten our time without sacrificing what I wanted to accomplish. I needed to be creative, which is not my strong suite.

Jill helped a lot with all of this, giving me ideas, helping me communicate with the kids and encouraging their participation. We began to act out passages, being silly at times, trying to make the time together more interesting. Over the winter, when it got dark early, we were reading through Mark and came to the transfiguration. To try to capture the light shining from Jesus we turned off the lights and put on silly glasses that were painted with glow-in-the-dark paint. Is this what Jesus looked like? They knew it wasn’t, but they remember that night, and they remember that story. We are currently reading through Genesis and are in the middle of the Joseph story. Different children are reading the different characters in the story. When Pharaoh chooses Joseph to lead the nation he places his ring, a robe, and a gold chain on Joseph. So the person reading Pharaoh’s lines did the same to the person reading Joseph’s lines. She put a ring, a multi-colored towel, and a…oops, I forgot to get a necklace…oh well, on her brother. They remember the story.

When we pray, each child has a journal. The ones who cannot read have a picture journal. Each one has a day and they lead us in prayer. We are also able to give them updates on how God is answering prayer, which encourages them in their prayers all the more. It is a powerful lesson for all of us, and a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness.

We also do Scripture memory. We have changed the way we do this recently, and it is working great. I found a simple Scripture memory system that I introduced to the family that takes just a few minutes each day and allows passages to stick quickly and be repeated often. To learn more about that you can go to http://simplycharlottemason.com/timesavers/memorysys/.

You may read this article and still be intimidated. I want to encourage you to simply try something. You don’t have to do all of this. Just start with something. We now take about 40 minutes for all of this. It is an investment that pays dividends every day. Our children are hiding God’s Word in their hearts, they are experiencing God answering prayer, and they are learning how the Scriptures apply to their lives. These are critical life-long lessons for all of us. Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it (Prov. 22:6). Start training, men.”

-Sean Martin

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