God has given each one of us a unique temperament and personality; these God given temperaments and personalities each have tremendous gifts and abilities. Each is unique and designed and planned by God expressly for the purpose here on earth as a member of the family of God. Some of us are introverted calm and quiet while others are oppositely extroverted enthusiastic talkers. This extreme variance of temperaments can often be seen between siblings, parents and children and even twins. As you have gone about your life, working with your siblings, parents, or even your own children you have probably noticed these differences can sometimes cause conflict. While taking two different approaches to the same task or an activity, one may ask “why should I do it his or her way, when my way is just as legitimate and possibly even better.” These two approaches based on different thought processes have just conflicted, neither person’s method is necessarily wrong. These conflicts, though small at first can be detrimental to a healthy relationship.
This is where deference comes into play. Deference, what is it? Deference is yielding to the opinions, wishes or judgment of another person. Deference means controlling my privileges and preferences in order not to offend those God has called me to serve. Deference is a very deliberate act, and comes from the heart. I think my mom was secretly trying to teach me and one of my sisters deference when I was about 12 or 13 years old. My mom assigned one of my sisters and I a job to do together for a whole year. We had to do dishes together. This normally would not have been a big deal except I am a perfectionist, and my sister isn’t so much, she’s more like, let’s get this job done as fast as we can. In case you’re wondering speed and perfection don’t really mix to well. You can imagine some of those few long weeks as we disputed over what methods for washing dishes was best. Deference from the beginning sure would have helped but it was eventually learned.
By not showing deference you are in fact disrespecting another individual. Deference can be shown in many ways, but it will always put others before yourself. This goes against our human nature and unless we are Spirit filled we will struggle to show deference. Paul instructed the Corinthians to show deference to other believers who could not eat meat that had previously been offered to idols. (1 Cor 8 ) This meat may have been cheaper, or more convenient to buy. And while Paul made it clear technically there may not have been anything wrong with eating this meat. He warned in 1 Cor 8:9 “But take heed lest by any means this liberty of yours become a stumbling block to them that are weak.” And then in verse 12 adds “But when ye sin so against the brethren, and wound their weak conscience, ye sin against Christ.” This verse here emphasizes how vital it really is to show deference, especially when it comes to not offending the conscience of another believer even calling it sin to not show deference to our brothers and sisters. Deference shows our willingness to live out Romans 12:18 “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
It is humbling ourselves to the will of God and esteeming others higher than ourselves and laying down our lives to demonstrate the New Life that dwells within us.
Was born 1968, his mother died giving birth to him. His father remarried, and then his step mother died in a car accident when Francis was 9. Then his father died of cancer when he was 12 years old. The only close relatives he had were his aunt and uncle. But when he was in high school, his aunt and uncle got in a fight, and his uncle shot his wife then killed himself. [taken from The Balance Beam Speech]
The Mally Family
